Easton at 3 months

My younger sister, Joni, blogs about my youngest niece, Elye, every month to keep track of milestones and cute stuff she does. It's a great idea and for some reason easier than getting out the baby book and writing it all down. Unfortunately, I haven't done either for Easton yet. These past three months have been the hardest three months of my life. I feel like a horrible momma for not writing this stuff down, but I've been lucky to get my shower clean let alone keep his baby book updated. I know that a lot of it is just being overwhelmed with all of the things being a new mom brings into your world. But the big majority of the reason is the postpartum depression/anxiety. I am just now starting to feel somewhat like myself. Not every day, but there are more good days than bad now. I am on my third different anti-depressant and have high hopes that it was be "the one". I feel so guilty to have not done all of these things to keep track of his first months of life and will regret it forever. Three months is as good a start as any right? At least I'm not having to title this post "Easton at 3 years old". I know this post is supposed to be about Easton and it will be, I just want to get a few things off my chest first. I get angry now days when I think of how postpartum robbed me of enjoying him in these first few months. The scary thing is, I don't even remember a lot of what happened the first weeks of his life. I was so lost in my own misery and uncomfortable in my own skin that I couldn't focus on him. I didn't want to focus on him. I wanted my old life back. I wanted my old body and mind back. I didn't want this new life. The one thing I am grateful for is that I recognized what was happening to me very early on. I made the call to my OB two weeks after he was born. I knew good and well that what I was experiencing wasn't just baby blues. So the fact that I am starting this now is a good acomplishment in my own book. Okay..enough about me.

Easton weighs in at 10lbs 12 oz finally! He is a bit on the small side due to his stomach/feeding issues. He is now starting to wear his 0-3 months cloths and looks adorable in them. He still eats every 2-3 hours...mostly 2. That can be anywhere from 2-4 oz. Mostly 2-3 oz. He is up every two hours at night most of the time too. He does a good 4-5 hour stretch at the beginning, then up and down the rest of the night. Not my favorite thing, but like my best friend said, "you know you won't be feeding him every two hours at night when he's 15, so there is an end in sight." Ha..thanks Erin. He smiles a lot now. It just so happens to be the cutest smile around. Sometimes it's only this little half, Elvis lip, smile. He loves to lay on his back and kick and flail his arms around as if he could take of in flight at any moment. One of our favorite things he does is what we call his "pitiful cry". It is totally a pure, "please feel sorry for me" cry. It's not even a cry..it's seriously a "wah..wah..wah..." I need to get it on video. It really is hard not to laugh at it, even though he is upset. One of the neatest things he does is when I'm changing his diaper, he will stare right at me the whole time. Like this morning, at 4:30 am, I was changing his, oh, 4th poopy diaper of the night( poor thing had his first enema yesterday..that's a whole other story) and I look down and he grinning at me. Who in their right mind grins at 4 in the morning? Easton does. He love to sleep in his bed and has finally got to where he will sleep in his carseat. Oh..he's awake. That's the majority of the milestones as of now. He is a precious baby and I love him so much my heart could burst. I have to go get my sweetie up...

There is such a thing as blog awards?

I am new to this whole blogging thing. My two sisters each have one and I got the idea from them. I first started it when I was pregnant to kinda "journal" my pregnancy. Then about two weeks after Easton was born I was diagnosed with postpartum deppression/anxiety. The blog then became a way for me to get the crazy things I was feeling out of my head. It's hard for me to type out the stuff and then go back and read it. It's scary. I became "addicted" to googling different blogs and articles about PPD/PPA and came across some wonderful, uplifting blogs. These blogs are written by strong mommies who are going through the same struggles as me. It was like a weight off my shoulders almost when I read their stories. I couldn't believe that there were women out there that had the exact same haunting feelings as me. I didn't feel so alone. That is a major symptom of my PPD. I feel sort of connected with these women who I don't even know. Some of them have commented on my posts and wrote the sweetest things. So today I was checking out two of the blogs that I follow and I saw that they had recieved what's called the Kreativ Blogger award. Then I scroll down and see that they have given it to me too! Once you recieve it you have to give it to seven blogs that you enjoy reading and find "Kreativ". I am so grateful for this award! I had no idea that I even had got it! The rules of the award are to

1. Post the award (done, this one only took an hour to figure out)

2. Thank and mention the person(s) who gave you this award ( Thank you Ivy from
Ivy's PPD Blog...thanks so much! and from Kimberly at
All Work & No Play Makes Mommy Go Something Something ...thank you!!)

3. Pass the award on to seven blogs that you find worthy of such an award
Jenny at Daily Life with our two CRAZY girls (my sis!) Joni at Enjoy Every
Minute..(my sis too), Megan at So Happy Together, Holly at Little Bit of Life,
Laura at Never Be the Same, Katie at I Though I Loved You Then and Raechel at
Finding My Feet

4. List seven things others don't know about you. Ummm....this is hard.

1. The only reason I went to dental assisting school years ago was
cause there wasn't any math classes to take. I only had to count
to 32.

2. For a long time I didn't even want to have children.

3. I am a preacher's daughter.

4. I had the same pillow for like 10 years. Gross right?

5. I was a waitress at a Ponderose for a day. I am NOT cut out for that.

6. I predicted I would get PPD

7. I was married once before. HUGE mistake. HUGE.

Thanks again so much to Ivy and Kim for the award. I hope I did everything right!

He smiles!

Easton has been trying to smile for a couple weeks now. He's got it down, but we haven't been able to catch it on camera. My sister, Jenny, has one of those super duper camera's with a shutter speed as fast as lightening, so she was the one to finally catch some smiles. What's funny is, about 5 minutes after these pictures, he was screaming his head off. He's done a lot of that this week. It's really hard to deal with sometimes. Sorry, this was supposed to be a happy post. Anyhoo..here's some of his funny faces he was making...