A 1st timer's journey through pregnancy, motherhood and overcoming postpartum depression...
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
My how things change..
My husband and I haven't been on vacation since before Easton was born. Actually, the last vacation we took, he was conceived. TMI? Sorry. With me staying home with Easton, it just hasn't been in the budget. When we go on vacation, we go to Florida where his parents have a condo. We LOVE the beach. Love, love, love it. We hope to take Easton next summer when he's a bit older, and we hope he loves it too! So, instead of taking a full vacation, we decided to go on a mini weekend getaway. Jason's passion is rock crawling. If you don't know what that is, it's crazy men who take these jeep looking things and literally crawl up and down big rocks. It sounds weird, but it is so fun! We camp out and crawl around on rocks, and just relax. Of course we don't take Easton. So, I asked my parents to come stay with him for a couple of nights while we go. It was originally going to be two nights. Right after they agreed, I started feeling funny about it. Funny like, I don't want to leave Easton for two nights. I am now going up later, so I only have to leave him for one night. I feel a bit better about that. It got me to thinking about a time, not so long ago, but that feels like ages ago. After Easton was born, and I was going through the worst of my PPD/PPA, I would've cared less about leaving him overnight. I would gladly pack him up and send him to whoever wanted him. Sad huh? Jason's aunt even kept him one time for at least two days. I think I called to check on him once. Only because I felt like I had to. When in came time to go pick him up, the anxiety kicked in big time. I would literally have panic attacks in the car. I didn't want to get him. I didn't want to have him back and listen to him scream. I now know this wasn't me, this was the PPD. My how things have changed. Now I can barely stand the thought of leaving him for one night, and I love it. Thank you, Pristiq, for giving me my life back. Thank you for allowing me to come to fully bond and fall in love with this marvelous, beautiful baby. I don't know where I would be right now with out that anti-depressant. I will gladly take it as long as I have to. I will gladly be nauseous at the thought of leaving my baby with someone overnight. Sometimes, change is good.