A 1st timer's journey through pregnancy, motherhood and overcoming postpartum depression...
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
9 months already!
It's hard for me to believe that he's 9 months old today. Everyone tells you that it goes fast, and they are right. I think back to his first 4-5 months, and if you would have asked me then if it's going fast, I would have told you no. Between his colic and feeding issues, and my struggle with postpartum depression/anxiety, time was creeping by. I sit here and think back to how I felt those first few months and what I can remember is..oh..how do I even put into words those feelings? I've tried in the past, using words like, dark, despair, extreme loneliness, horrible sadness...and yet, it seems as though those don't even touch what I was experiencing. People would tell me "it does get better", and I had a hard time believing them. I am still working getting rid of the guilt of not caring for Easton like a new mommy should care for her newborn baby. When I say "care" for him..it's not that I didn't take care of him..you know the basic stuff. I did all those things..but I did them on autopilot. I might as well have been holding someone elses baby, that's how disconnected I was. I don't have any memory of snuggling up with him when he was all swaddled and sleeping. What I do have memory of is him laying on the couch in his sleep positioner, for what seems like all day. Typing that today hurts my heart. I hurt for him. He deserved a better mommy, a sane mommy. Much like the mommy he has today. I can say I am through the worst of it. I still have my days, moments of sadness that I can't explain. Those days are nothing like the days those first few months. So today I celebrate Easton, and all he's accomplished his first 9 months.
*He weighs 17 lbs and is...umm..I don't know how long he is. We go to his 9 mo well baby nxt week. He's still pretty short I think.
*He finally slept through the night...for a week. Ahh...but what a glorious week it was. Then those silly central incisors on top started coming and ruined it all. :-(
*He loves to walk! Not on his own, but with me, holding my fingers and killing my back. All around the house, all day. He does make pit stops at each door stopper thing and bang it around for a minute or two. But he would hold your fingers and walk all day if my back could stand it.
*He also loves to look out windows. He will stop at each window in the house and bang on the glass till I open it. Even if it's cold, he will stand there with his nose pressed to the screen and just observe.
*The kitchen windows are his favorite, because there, he gets to watch his best buddy, Ozzie. Ozzie is our akita, who he adores! Ozzie adores Easton too, and shows it by giving him big nasty kisses if I'm not quick enough to shield Easton's face.
*I believe he is still a big ole momma's boy..hee hee!
*This kid will eat anything. Which is so crazy, because the first few months of his life, I couldn't get the child to eat! Now, you better be ready to share whatever your are eating, because he wants a bite. He ate half my dinner last night, and that's after he had already had his. He loves string cheese, baked cheetos, spinach!, noodles, and hummus. Kinda of a random list of fav's huh?
*Easton will only sleep in HIS bed. We visited my parents in Indiana a few weeks ago, and it was the worst few nights we've had in a long time! He did have a cold, which didn't help, but he knew he was not in his bed!
*Oh goodness, I really should have put this one first. Easton is a thumb sucker. Next to walking, sucking his thumb while holding his blanket, is his favorite thing! AGH! Let's hope this doesn't turn into a long term thing. But for now, it really helps him put himself to sleep, which is a good thing.
I could go on, but this already is going down in the record books of my longest post ever. To sum it up, I love my baby. I love him with a love so strong it takes my breath away. That too, is a good thing.