There's been a lull in activity in my pregnancy journey, so I haven't had anything to blog about that would be of any interest to anyone. I will be 32 weeks on Wed(or Tues?). I have already gained the "recommended" amount of weight. Ha. Which my Dr. hasn't said anything to me about, so I'm trying not to dwell to much on that...or the fact that my thighs touch from my knee's all the way up. Easton is still in breech position. He's sitting indian style with his head under my ribs and his feet planted firmly on my bladder, at all times. It really feels good when he stretches out and pushes his butt out my side and uses my bladder at a footstool to do so. I have a really attractive "pregnancy rash" all over my stomach. Not to mention the enormous amount of pimples I still have. (no nurse Vicki, those don't always go away after the first trimester) So over all, pregnancy makes me feel very unattractive. I have already decided I might not be doing this again. Oh..and it getting harder to shave my legs..and tend to...ummm...other "stuff" I can't see anymore. That bothers me..a lot. Oh well...I guess my Dr. doesn't care how "manicured" I am..but I do. I am at least getting a pedicure before I have this baby. I tried to get Jason to cut my toenails and after looking at my feet he said "why don't you just go treat yourself to a pedicure?" He used to tell me that stuff was a waste of money.
I am still a huge bag of mixed emotions about this pregnancy too. I know some women by this point are already "bonded" with their babies and can't wait to have them out in the world. But I am scared. It's not even the labor part I'm scared of. It's the actually putting him in the car and me and Jason driving off with him. Just us. WE are responsible for this little baby. WHew. It makes my blood pressure go up some( which it has been up the past two appts! I'm on BP watch!). I have been thinking about postpartum depression some also. There was a young women my age that passed away around Thanksgiving that my sisters knew, and I heard it had to do w/ depression, possibly postpartum. That scares me too. I am prone to sadness. I have always been a cup half empty girl. Jason calls it being negative. I call it being real. It's always been a whole lot easier for me to be down, than up. I don't want to be that way after I have Easton..he doesn't deserve it. Neither does my husband. I know I can't predict how I will handle it all. I know I shouldn't just assume that I will get postpartum depression because I've been depressed in the past..but it makes me think about it more. I am trying to keep a positive attitude about bringing him home. I bought a book called, Calm mother, calm child, or something like that. It's supposed to help you mentally deal with the exhaustion of having a newborn. I've read most of it..it is a little out there. But I'm up for any help and advice I can get.
So that's where I'm at right now. Still kinda nervous/can't believe I'm having a baby/excited..all of that. The countdown continues.
Loaded Vegan Chili Cheese Tots
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