I would post a picture of Easton at six weeks..but I don't have one. I know that sounds horrible. But taking pictures of him has been the last thing on my mind lately. He's hit a pretty rough stage. We are having some issues with feeding, mainly him not wanting to. He cries and fights his bottle which is SO frustrating. Our pediatrician has diagnosed him as "colicky" and given him Zantac. We have switched his formula to Alimentum which costs about a $100 a can..well..not really..but it seems like it. It will be a week tomorrow that we switched the formula, and he's been on Zantac since the 5th. So we are hoping for a magical response to both the medicine and the formula switch. He still wants to eat every 2 hours and will only eat 2 ounces. Needless to say, I am exhausted from doing that at night. Oh, and he seems to think the day starts at 4:30-5:00 am. Ugh. Oh, and he's started crying a lot at night. He loves to fight his sleep too...it's got to get better. I know it does..tons of mom's have told me it does. I just keep trusting that and try to stay as patient as possible.
I have improved a little with the postpartum depression. It is a scary and stressful thing. I have never felt so miserable in my life. Seriously. It is hard to describe the feelings that I have been feeling. They are feelings that a mother should never have to feel. Try to imagine not wanting to take care of your own baby every day. Try to imagine feeling so scared of taking care of your baby that you have actual panic attacks. I fight feelings of hopelessness..extreme sadness. Insomnia is another symptom that has hit me also. So even when he is sleeping, I can't. I have seen a psychologist and am starting a new medication. I have hope that this will be the help I need to turn me back into Julie. Because for my son, husband, family..and me..I need to be Julie again.
Pizza Salad
23 hours ago
I thought I could fix his schedule this weekend, but i was wrong. At least you know its not you! He can't keep this up much longer!
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Try your best to talk positively to yourself. I know it feels impossible though. We're praying for you. It will get better. Then he'll be crawling, walking, running and tell you "NO"!
ReplyDeleteHi Julie,
ReplyDeleteThank you for creating a link to my blog. This is my first time visiting your blog, and I see that you are a new mommy! Your son is so adorable! Belated congrats! Thank you for sharing your story with others! My daughter was <6 lbs when she was born too. Like you, I didn't fall in love/bond on sight of my baby either, and my PPD caused a bad case of insomnia, loss of appetite and panic attacks. I was on medication too. It's great that you have had your mom and sisters to help you along the way. Support like that is very important.
If you ever need someone to talk to for reassurance and guidance, you can always call the Postpartum Support Int'l warmline at 800-944-4773. You can always reach out to me anytime as well.
You will get through this!
All the best,
Ivy
Big hugs Julie. I know how awful colic can be especially when struggling with postpartum depression. My son had colic for 3 months. The witching hour started at 7 pm and lasted till daybreak. I would cringe every time 7 pm would roll in because I could stand the crying...it made my anxiety unbearable and I probably cried just as much as he did. God that was such an awful experience and my heart truly goes out to you!
ReplyDeleteSome things I have tried were...
-swaddling him in a warm blanket from the dryer. Some times I would wrap the warm blanket around his tummy.
- Burping him every ounce of formula he ate.
- gently massaging each letter "I love you" on his belly
- gently move his legs like he was riding a bike expelled TONS of gas
- used a lot of white noise in the background (eg. Have the dryer going, vaccuum, tv on a fuzzy station)
I will try to think of more things that were helpful to us. Most of all, make sure that you also pay attention to your needs. If the crying is really getting to you, know that it is ok to put him down in his crib and let him cry. It won't hurt him to cry alone. It is also ok to ask for help there is no shame in asking someone to pitch in so that you can get a break. You NEED
breaks too! By the way did you mention to your doctor that you are unable to rest while your baby does? It is so important that we moms with PPD rest.
I am always here if you need to talk ok.
I am reading your blog b/c I saw that you stopped by mine --- I had PPD twice and the second time my son had acid reflux and was put on zantac (which we kept him on until he was at least 18 months) anyway --- I am just remembering the crying...the CONSTANT crying. I too, was kinda anticpiating PPD but just like you said the feeling was unlike any depression I had ever experienced before and the whole responsibility side of taking care of newborn and the exhaustion of not sleeping (plus not being to sleep when they ARE sleeping ---UGH yes I know that!) Oh I pray that God would strengthen you to hang in there - that He would give you hope each day to carry you through and that there would be (sounds like your family) people to encourage and support you... gotta run...You are not crazy, you are not alone. Jen
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