Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Another type of journey

Not much has changed in my life lately. That's ok..except that it's not. I've ignored my weight for to long. See, I started to try and lose the weight a while back. I lost about 17 lbs. Guess what? I've gained almost ALL of it back. That, folks, makes me want to puke..or cry..or hit something. Why? Why do I do this to myself? Is that bowl of ice cream that I ate worth it, worth all the mental torture I put myself through after I ate it? No. I am so tired of hating myself. I know that sounds harsh, but that's exactly how I feel. I don't want to got through another summer not wanting to take my son outside because I don't want my fat rolls to sweat. Attractive. I want to be able to go to my mom and dad's and play in their pool with Easton without hating myself the entire time and wearing a total full body granny swimsuit. I'm tired of not wanting my husband to touch me. So what caused this "a ha" moment? Well, I finally stood in the bathroom yesterday and looked at myself..naked. Oh my. It was sad. I was sad. My poor fat belly is sad. Then I stepped on the scale. I haven't done that in a few months. 163.8 lbs. I'm 5'3 or so. That weight, at my height is considered obese. So Easton and I went to Target and got momma new super duper sturdy sports bra. When little man went down for his nap, I got on the treadmill. I ran 1 min/ walked 90 sec for 30 minutes. I pulled a muscle in my groin, got nauseous, was very grossed out by everything jiggling..but I did it. No excuses. Not anymore. I know what needs to be done and I know how to do it. So here goes nothing...

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